Giving time and space to death

My father died recently. He was 90 years old, and I’m certain it was utterly the right way and time for him, but it still came suddenly, and the waves of rippling change are just beginning to be felt.

I find that I want to give this space. Space for honouring him and his life. Space for acknowledging the changes in me that result from this shift in what I think of as a generational barrier between me and what’s beyond. That’s half-gone. And it changes things.

There’s not a lot I want to say right now. I’m going to be taking most of the summer to focus on my children and this transition, to give space to thinking and feeling and to my own body and soul weaving and healing.

But the things I do want to share now are these – these things that stand out for me on this cusp of change.

*Death, like birth, requires a sacred container for holding experience. This is true for the person passing, but also for those close, and it’s not just about the moment of passing, but about the moments around it, extending into time, before and after. It’s important that we give this to ourselves and our families.

*It’s good to acknowledge death. Even if you’re uncomfortable with it, say something to the family. We notice. We see who shows up. We appreciate the effort at connection and the expressions of love and sympathy.

*I wish I had gone to see my Dad in California before he died – I wish I had found a way to get there, no matter what, for any one of those moments of quiet life and celebration that I missed. That’s the only thing I regret, that I didn’t find a way to do that, and it changes my priorities significantly.

*Family photos are always a gift and a great thing to be taking time for, regularly, formally and in formally. I’ll be doing a lot more of that.

Family

My father gifted me with so many things, he was a primary care-giver for me throughout my childhood and into adulthood, in a way that few fathers are. He made certain that I had every advantage he could give me – thanks to him, I made my way to Smith College (I was one of the rare students to have a father who was a graduate – he had attended the School for Social Work), and then onward to New York University. He taught me a lot about spirituality and religion, and about living in harmony with the land. From my childhood, I remember his organic gardens, his morning yoga, his Saturday morning blueberry pancakes, his photography and his gifting me my first camera when I was about 4 or 5, chopping and hauling in wood for winter, tapping the trees to make Maple syrup in early spring, and so many other things.  His life and death have been a gift to me as his daughter.  For anyone who would like to read more about him and his life, there is a beautiful collection of words and photos here.

 


 

I’ll be writing and sharing here on the blog over summer, and back to normal in September in terms of classes and clients and such. There will be some great new things coming as in June I was so fortunate to be part of the very first MuTu Pro training in Orlando – I’m looking forward to sharing locally the core healing that this system brings for pre- and post-natal mamas.  We’ll be starting up some FREE walks locally (walking daily is a key part of the MuTu system), so if you’re interested in joining best way is to contact me on Facebook on the Rebalancing Woman page.

(Current clients and students not to worry as we’ll still be carrying on as usual and I will be in touch very soon, just landing from my time away and little people settling too).

Massive love and thanks to all those who have been so supportive in this time, and who have expressed their love and connection in various ways.

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